When you're worried about someone else

People almost always know when a conversation is really an accusation. What opens a door is a specific, calm observation about something you noticed, followed by an actual question.

• "I noticed you've seemed rough in the mornings lately. How are you doing?"
• "I'm not trying to tell you what to do. I just wanted to say I'm here."
• "Would it help to talk to someone about it? I'd go with you."

• Talking to someone while they're drinking — it rarely lands, and rarely gets remembered.
• Ultimatums you don't intend to keep.
• Labels. "Alcoholic" usually ends the conversation instead of starting it.
• Counting drinks out loud, hiding bottles, or pouring alcohol away — it moves the focus onto secrecy.
• Waiting for a dramatic low point. People change gradually, and earlier support works better.

Sober, private, unhurried, and not straight after an argument. A walk or a drive is often easier than sitting across a table. One short conversation that goes gently is worth more than a long one that turns into a confrontation.

A first response is often defensive. That doesn't mean nothing landed. Saying it once, without pressure, makes it far more likely they'll come back to you later — so leave the door open rather than pushing through it.

Stopping heavy, long-term drinking suddenly can be medically dangerous. If someone wants to quit and has been drinking heavily every day, encourage them to talk to a doctor about how to do it safely rather than going cold turkey alone.

Being close to someone's drinking is exhausting, and it isn't your job to fix it. You can care about someone and still set limits about what you'll cover for, cancel, or absorb.

• Tell one person outside the situation — a friend, relative, doctor, or counsellor.
• If you're a young person worried about a parent or carer, you can tell a teacher, school counsellor, nurse, or doctor. Their drinking is not your fault and not your responsibility.
• Family support groups and confidential helplines exist specifically for people in your position, not the drinker's.
• Keep some parts of your life that have nothing to do with this.